flowers, mind, photo

The big reward…

This beautiful African violet is actually the little reward. The big reward is the accomplishment itself. Today I said no to anxiety, I didn’t let it stop me from doing something I needed to do. I didn’t make an excuse and bow out. Today was the first day of my driving practice. All I did was drive to the grocery store, which I’ve done a million times but I’ve also made a million excuses not to go, too rainy, to tired, too snowy. This time because it was part of my desensitization I started feeling anxiety from the moment I awoke, I had to do this it wasn’t optional. So for two hours I felt the initial pangs of anxiety but without letting it escalate to something where the tiny inner voice takes over. There’s little to be done about the initial pangs of anxiety they are an instinct from the past , but they tend to go away when the problem does. As soon as I walked out to the car my anxiety lifted. Let’s do this I thought. I made it to the store and back with no issues and one African violet richer. More than that though I felt elated. It’s been many years since I did something that was causing anxiety anyway. Usually they are the optional but fun things in life, maybe an orchid show some place I’ve never been before would come up but I couldn’t even ride there as a passenger much less drive. You see my fear is what could happen not what’s likely to happen and it can be debilitating. Just not today, we’re starting with a clean slate, anxiety 0, me 1.

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