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A beginning

Sometimes in life you get a new beginning, sometimes this is when it’s least needed. I was a scientist researching everything from the causes of bacterial illness to neurodegeneration. I trained hard to be a scientist but then due to a chance quirk of genetics I started to experience mental deterioration. It began with an episode of psychosis which involved hearing voices and seeing things that just weren’t there. But That was just a minor hurdle, antipsychotics cleared that up. After a few years I just couldn’t read or think the way that I should or rather the way that I could before. I started losing jobs. People didn’t believe me when I said I was having memory problems. They thought I seemed fine.

I suppose in many ways I was fine, I was generally happier than I’d ever been. My anxiety was down…I was living a good life but I stopped reading, I stopped learning and growing. It was at my last job when I couldn’t even process invoices I knew there was a real issue. Sure my PhD and BS from high quality universities and my references could get me in the door but I couldn’t keep a simple job for a month. Something had to be terribly wrong. I mentioned it to my psychiatrist thinking it was the meds, but she was sure it wasn’t. She sent me to a neuropsychologist for a full evaluation.

I just briefly ran through the results with her but the gist is that in some areas my iq is like 120, for example in vocabulary so I can easily hide my deficits. In other areas like reading comprehension, processing and working memory it’s more like 80. So I’m getting a new beginning whether I want one or not. I can’t do complex science without reading comprehension…..I’ll have trouble learning anything new without reading it but I’m thinking of becoming a florist in the mean time. My visual memory is still good and I’ve always loved flowers.

I’m going to start cognitive rehabilitation on Monday…basically because I live in the city there is someone who specializes rehabilitation at a higher level. So in a way I’m lucky that I can get help at all. I’m also lucky my psychiatrist knew who to send me to in the first place. Hopefully the rehabilitation restores some of my deficits and I can get a full time job again. So wish me well on this new beginning.

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